Friday, June 1, 2012

Lessons learnt

She was a brilliant student. She graduated top of her class. As fate would have it, she met and married her seemingly perfect (this is the term she used to describe him) husband. She told me that she has met her match. They were married after a short engagement and children followed soon after. Her husband was indeed perfect. He secured a job with a good pay and successfully climbed up the corporate ladder with ease. She was perfect too. She landed a nice job as a lecturer and finished her masters in record time. Together they blossomed. They had three perfect children and lived in a perfect bungalow in the outskirts. To me it was a marriage made in heaven. That is until one day she called me sobbing and asked me to go to her house. To make a long story short, she told me that they are now on the verge of a divorce. It seemed that she had been suffering from depression for over 15 years and is still on medication. Life for her had been one daily struggle after another. “Why had it turned out like this?” I asked. In her words “...he cannot see me past my face...he does not appreciate my ideas, he does not value my thoughts and the worst part is he does not seem to realize that those things matter to me....”. " Hmmmm....sounds like he is a male chauvinist p** to me"I said to myself. The irony of it is that while the husband is just inches away of fulfilling his lifelong ambition to head a multinational they are inches away from a failed marriage.

Needless to say I left her house that day with a very heavy heart....and I told myself:

1.       Money is not definitely cannot buy love

2.       Communication and tolerance  is everything in a marriage

3.       Self esteem is very important...without it we will always be looking outwards for validation...and will end up disappointed just like my friend in the story who is always looking for her husband’s approval and validation which never came

4.       Depression can hit even the most stable of people (believe me, my friend is a rock....and yet she succumbed)

5.       It is important to view and treat people with mental health problems (like depression) just like we do people with other physical (visible) illnesses....they need our understanding and support

6.       Men can be so beastly at times L