Sakinah n Shukri again....

Penggal persekolahan akan bermula minggu depan. Nampaknya Sakinah n Shukri akan kembali ke sekolah semula. Rutin harian akan menjadi lebih sibuk lebih-lebih lagi apabila Sakinah berada di sesi petang sementara Shukri pula di sesi pagi. Peninglah kepala Papa menguruskan mereka berdua.

Cuti kali ini agak kurang seronok buat mereka berdua. Pertama kerana aku sendiri tidak dapat mengambil cuti panjang seperti selalu. Cuti tahunan ku cuma tinggal 2 hari sahaja menjelang Disember. Itu pun telah di simpan untuk kami sekeluarga pulang ke Kuantan menjengok Bak yang tidak sihat. Maka tinggallah Sakinah dan Shukri di rumah, menghabiskan masa mereka berperang sama sendiri 'in between' main game dan melihat facebook :)

Tapi aku beruntung...Sakinah dan Shukri amat bertanggungjawab melaksanakan kerja rumah. Kalau Sakinah cuci pinggan, Shukri akan basuh dan jemur pakaian. Sakinah akan pastikan air minuman sentiasa ada. Shukri pula akan vakum rumahku yang sentiasa berhabuk (setelah kena sergah dengan Sakinah, hi,hi,hi....)

Begitulah gelagat mereka berdua...penghibur hatiku di kala duka :)))

Kejutan teknologi

Suatu masa dulu ibu bapa menjadi cukup risau jika anak mereka berpindah ke bandar atau ke luar negara sama ada untuk menyambung pelajaran atau bekerja. Pada waktu itu mereka bimbang kot-kot anak mereka akan melupakan mereka dek kerana terpengaruh dengan gaya hidup baru yang serba seronok dan mencabar. Bak kata orang mendapat kejutan budaya. Tatkala itu kampung halaman sering dilupakan. Malah ada anak-anak yang tidak mahu pulang ke kampung kerana kampung 'gelap' dan tidak 'cerah' macam Kuala Lumpur. Mereka yang ke luar negara pula tidak kurang yang terpengaruh dengan gaya hidup ala barat yang serba bebas. Almaklum ibu-bapa berada nun jauh di Malaysia. Pada waktu itu juga ramai pelajar yang gagal dalam meneruskan pengajian mereka kerana dihanyutkan dan terkejut dengan budaya baru. Begitulah keadaannya kejutan budaya.

Sekarang ini, dengan kepesatan teknologi, manusia tidak lagi perlu pergi ke mana-mana untuk mendapat kejutan. Kebanyakan mereka sekarang mendapat kejutan teknologi dalam rumah mereka masing-masing....terutamanya teknologi internet. Dengan adanya komputer riba yang boleh dibeli pada harga yang berpatutan serta kemudahan membeli 'smart phone' seperti blackberry atau iPhone dengan biayaan yang menarik dari penyedia perkhidmatan, maka 'connectivity' 24jam telah menjadi satu realiti. Kini aku dapati anak-anak, ibu dan juga bapa sering menghadap komputer melayari laman web, mendengar muzik, bermain game, melihat video di Youtube, meng'update status' di facebook, menulis 'blog entry' (macam aku sekarang) dan pelbagai aktiviti dalam talian yang lain. Tanpa disedari setiap dari kita membina tembok disekeliling kita. Kita leka dengan dunia siber yang tidak 'real'. Kita seronok apabila status FB kita dibaca, di'like' dan dikomen oleh rakan kita. Kita terbawa-bawa dengan pujian yang diberikan oleh mereka ( yang besar kemungkinan kita tidak pernah jumpa dalam alam nyata) yang melawat blog kita. Kita amat teruja apabila blog kita mendapat hits yang tinggi. Kita seronok dan bangga.

Semua itu tidak salah jika kita tahu adab dan batas pergaulan siber. Teknologi sememangnya tidak salah. Yang silap adalah manusia yang sering gagal menilai setiap gerak langkah mereka. Dek kealpaan kita, maka syaitan akan menyelinap masuk dan menggoda kita untuk terus leka di alam penuh khayalan dan tidak bermakna. Kita menjadi seorang yang tidak keruan apabila dalam satu hari kita tidak boleh menjenguk laman kegemaran kita.Kita menjadi penagih siber. Orang di sekeliling dilupakan dan dianggap tidak penting...malah lebih teruk lagi jika dianggap sebagai penyibuk. Kalau dulu sering menelefon ke kampung bertanya khabar ayah ibu...sekarang ini dah jarang...kerana sibuk melayan kawan dan keluarga siber. Kalau dulu sering melawat saudara yang sakit...sekarang ini sekadar bertanya khabar melalui FB. Justeru oleh kerana kebodohan kita maka terputuslah tali silaturrahim dan tergurislah hati-hati mereka yang disayangi. Maka berjayalah syaitan dalam godaannya. Justeru, ingatlah wahai rakan siberku, teknologi dicipta oleh manusia supaya kita boleh menjalankan kehidupan kita dengan cekap demi untuk mengejar redha Allah. Jika kita ada niat selain dari itu, dibimbangi ia akan hanya menyesatkan kita. Wallahualam.

Ibu





Amat sukar untuk menyelami

Hati seorang ibu

Cakapnya berkias

Niatnya tersembunyi

Kekadang yang disebutnya lain

Yang dimaksudkannya lain

Kita yang perlu meneka dalam kesamaran

Apakah sebenarnya mesej yang ingin disampaikan?

Apakah sebenar yang merungsingkannya?

Apakah kata-kata yang ingin didengarinya?

Apakah maksud segala yang tersirat?

Justeru....renunglah ke dalam sanubari

Dan tafsirkanlah segalanya dengan mata hati

Pasti jawapannya menanti

Sakinah dan Shukri



Sakinah



"Sakinah dan Shukri,

Tolonglah kemas rumah....basuh pinggan dan lipat baju

Tolong vaccum carpet dan tapis air untuk minuman

Nanti Mama balik dengan senyuman :-) "

Begitulah bunyi sms ku kepada Sakinah dan Shukri

Mereka berdua di rumah menikmati cuti sempena Deepavali

Balas Sakinah....

"Mama....Shukri tak nak tolong kemas rumah

Dia suruh Sakinah buat sorang2 :-( "

Itu memang jawapan standard Shukri apabila diminta buat kerja

Tapi biasanya dia akan buat juga....dengan caranya yang "slow and steady"

Aku balas mesej Sakinah

"Mesti sama-sama buat, nanti mama akan beli hadiah..."

"Yay! Belikan slurpee untuk Kinah....tak payah beli untuk Shukri", jawab Sakinah

Itulah dia Sakinah dan Shukri.
Sekejap lagi aku akan pulang ke rumah.


Shukri



Harap-harap aku kan tersenyum lebar melihat rumah ku yang bersih.

Bila hati telah terasa....

Kalau ada koala bear boleh jugak buat teman...

Kadang-kadang kita ni senang orang nak suruh, buat itu kita buat, buat ini kita pun buat...sebab apa? Biasanya kerana rasa tanggungjawab dan mungkin juga kita seronok. Kita ditolak ke tengah dan ke tepi kerana kita nampak macam tak kisah. Memang kita tak kisah pun. Sehinggalah tiba satu ketika apabila kita rasa orang dah 'take us for granted'. Sehinggalah tiba suatu hari kita rasa orang mengambil kesempatan di atas 'kebaikan' kita. Pada saat itu kita rasa macam kita ni seolah-olah tempat orang mengesat kaki....dipijak ikut suka hati...untuk membersihkan kaki orang lain....mana boleh jadi. Pada waktu itu kita rasa sedih dan marah bercampur baur. Kita terasa hati. Kini hati ini amat sukar untuk dipujuk.  Kini baru orang tahu rupa-rupanya pengesat kaki ini pun ada hati dan perasaan.

Meaningful research....meaningful life

Meaningful conversation

This is going to be one of those posts that might be viewed by some people as morbid or backwards. I am going to write about something that is very close to my heart. For quite sometime now, I have been wrestling with directions of research, purpose of research, purpose of life etc. As a muslim I cannot get away from the fact that what I do now will be questioned in the hereafter. I knew about this ever since I was old enough to understand about religion and life. However the gravity of the issue just hit me only recently. As muslims we believe that when we die (all of us will, eventually), there will only be three things that will be of benefit to us: 1. Pious (soleh) children that will pray for the parents, 2. Meaningful knowledge 3. Our charity ( I hope I translated those correctly) . Since we are on the subject of research I am only going to elaborate on number 2. Knowledge can be so many things. It can be as simple as a cooking recipe shared with others so that they can also savour yummy dishes or it can be as complex as the theory of relativity (which looked simple on paper) and the discovery of DNA. Meaningful knowledge (which are results of meaningful research), however must be viewed and evaluated with respect to a certain framework. Examining it from the islamic point of view (as I must, because after all I am muslim) knowlege or research must be meaningful in the islamic way. This means that I must ask questions like: Is the knowledge or research beneficial to the ummah? How can we make it beneficial to the ummah? How can we share (among us and the rest of the population) the knowledge? Will it bring us back ultimately to Allah? The last question is important because I really believe that knowledge seeked and gained through meaningful research will and should lead us back to Allah. It should increase our iman and takwa. It will make us realize how great the Almighty is and it will make us realize that we are just humble servants always seeking Allah's grace and mercy.

I will end this with a beautiful doa taken from Nazul's blog http://www.ipteknikkeukm.blogspot.com/. I hope Nazul won't mind :-)

Ya Allah sesungguhnya apa jua yang dilangit dan dibumi serta di antara keduanya milikmu yang abadi. Aku bersyukur di atas segala nikmat yang kau pinjamkan pada ku, keluargaku dan seluruh kaum kerabatku. Di atas keberkatan mu, rahmatmu, pemurahmu, kasihmu dan sayangmu, aku memohon agar kau sempurnakan penyelidikanku ini dengan ilmu yang manfaat untuk aku sebarkan bagi memperkasakan Islam dan menyelamatkan umat Muhammad yang lain. Berikan kejayaan dalam pengajian untuk ku, rakan-rakan yang seperjuangan denganku. Peliharakanlah kesejahteraan keluargaku, rakan taulanku, pensyarah-pensyarah yang membimbingku, limpah kurniakan segala kemurahan rezekimu kepada kami semua, dan jadikan kami terus bertaqwa padamu mengikut sunnah Rasulmu.Amin Ya Rabbal Aalamin"

Amin.

Seni Sakinah

Ini dia usaha Sakinah untuk mereka bentuk muka depan majalah .... pening-pening dia memikirkan konsep...lepas tu suruh pulak kita print in colour....bawak pergi sekolah gurunya kata bukan ini yang dia mahu....dia mahu something very simple aje....alahai. Walau apa pun Sakinah tetap berbangga dengan hasil seninya ini :-)

Web 2.0

All this is new to me. This social networking stuff. You see I was born at a time when there were no computers and the only source of entertainment were just radios and television (black and white!). That was almost fifty years ago. The world has transformed in just a short span of 50 years. We began with the (fixed line) telephone, progressed into cellular phones and now we can skype with anyone anywhere in the world (for free) courtesy of the Internet. Computers that used to fill up a huge room are now reduced to the size of our palms. Technology push and consumer pull have led us to where we are now. It has changed the way we communicate, learn and socialize. It has eroded and changed traditions. It has changed the values of some people. We are not how we used to be. I do feel a bit left out and old just by looking and reading the things that are being posted on FB, YouTube, Blogs etc. Nothing seems to be sacred anymore. Web 2.0 has arrived.

Aidil Fitri 2010

Rasa sekejap saja masa berlalu. Sebulan berpuasa rasa macam seminggu. Masih belum puas aku merasakan nikmat Ramadan. Tahun ini Raya tidak semeriah biasa. Maklumlah Bak masih lagi terkesan dengan stroke yang dialami. Dia tidak lagi endahkan kemeriahan Raya. Tahun ini Bak tidak lagi sibuk untuk memberi duit raya kepada cucu-cucunya. Dia seolah berada dalam dunianya sendiri. Aidil Fitri tahun ini merupakan titik permulaan kepada usaha Ma untuk kembali kepada hidupnya yang normal. Dia bertekad untuk tinggal berdua dengan Bak di Terengganu. Dia kata dia tidak mahu tinggal bersama anak-anak. Dia hendak berdikari semula. Aku faham kehendak Ma. Dia wanita merdeka. Dia tidak bisa dibelenggu hatta oleh anak-anak sendiri. Ma memberitahu ku yang kini dia sudah berani. Mungkin sekarang dia telah menemui kekuatannya semula. Aku harap begitu. Kini setiap hari aku menelefonnya untuk bertanya khabar dan juga unutk menenangkan diriku. Sebenarnya aku risau akan keselamatannya. Tapi aku tidak mampu untuk memaksa Ma untuk tinggal dengan kami, anak-anaknya.

Wedding

There is that tinge of sadnessand
a little touch of melancholy
It is both a day of parting and unity
filled with....
silence of hope
bursts of laughter
and shadows of tears

As a father hands over her daughter
to a man now dearly known as her husband
A mother watches in silence
her heart full of prayer
for the daugther that she loves ever so dearly

As she kissed her groom's hand
thoughts ran through her mind
will she be able to fulfill all her vows
will she be able to honour and trust

Looking up into his eyes
In her heart she knows
With him by her side to guide her
All will be well for ever and ever

The System

Darkness envelopes me
There is no light at the end of the tunnel
Evil reigns supreme
Devious minds prevail
Incompetent fools are made captains
Ranks and status are the order of the day

They smiled endlessly
They have finally made it
They are now successful
They have reached the stars
All that blood, sweat and tears have finally paid dividends

Little did they know
they are proponents of a corrupt unjust system
Little did they know
they will be held responsible
answerable to the Almighty
of all their intentions and deeds
Little did they know
the rewards are just worthless adornments
of the fleeting material world

In times of crisis

In times of crisis
we come together
huddled close
helping each other

In times of crisis
tempers run short
we blame one another
we say things we do not mean

In times of crisis
we put up our hands
and ask from Allah
for guidance and strength

In times of crisis that is what we should do.

Bak is ill

Our family was hit by a crisis. Bak had suffered a mild stoke that had left him unable to walk freely. He is now a shadow of his former self. Bak was an independent 85 yr old man. He was full of energy and as tough as nails. He was an avid reader and always had opinions about things especially political things. I bet the current political situation in Malaysia will not be spared had Bak not got his stroke when he did. Alas, now Bak just sits there in his favourite chair and looked forlorn and sad. I wondered, sometimes what his thoughts are. Asking him will not reveal any answers though. Doctors discovered that Bak was hit by multiple strokes before. They had gone unnoticed by us. Maybe the impact was more subtle as compared to the latest one that hit him on the 23rd of March. This time it affected the cerebelum which was responsible for balance and coordination, hence his difficulty in walking. Walking, however is not the main disturbing problem that had plagued Bak. The stroke had also robbed Bak of his appetite and motivation. He had refused food, especially rice. He seemed to have lost hope. He would only take eggs, bananas and his favourite drink, Milo. Thank Allah that at least there are still some things that he likes. It has been a month since the stroke. Bak's progress is very slow. It is not surprising considering the fact that he refuses to eat and also his age. Every meal time is tense. Bak would close his mouth whenever my mum tried to feed him porridge. All this had created a lot of stress for my mum. She is finding it very difficult to look at the whole situation objectively. She is at her wits ends so much so that she too had given up on Bak's prospects of getting better.
In times of crisis people come together. They find hope in each other's presence. Let's hope that Allah will grant my family the strength to withstand this crisis and learn the hikmah from it.

Three o'clock in the morning

Three o'clock in the morning and I am wide awake. I had slept early because I was trying to forget a lot of things that are buzzing around in my head. That is how I handle stress. Sleeping and eating. I figured that if I sleep it off it will not be as terrible as it was when i wake up. Usually I was wrong and today is no exception. I should have realized all these years that problems do not go away. They will always be there, dormant and ready to erupt anytime when I am not looking.

Cik

This is a note about a special person who is now fighting for her life against cancer. Her nieces and nephews affectionately call her Cik.

Cik is my sister in law. She is the one sister in law that I felt closest to. Maybe it is because she dotes on my two children and would always be around when needed (in cases when I had to go anywhere and there is no one else to look after them). Cik is like that with children, not just mine. She would sew baju kurung or would buy something for her nieces and nephews on special occasions like Hari Raya or birthdays. She has this knack with babies and would be able to console them when no one else can. Cik loves babies and children. I dare say that everyone of her nieces and nephews had at some point in their lives been the object of Cik's attention and love. It is a true gift especially when Cik herself is not blessed with any children of her own.

Cik was diagnosed with stage three Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, a type of cancer, about five months ago amidst a lot of family tension and hostility. Coming from quite a conservative family with a lot of taboos and conceptions about diseases and their treatments, Cik was torn between vehement orders from her family to opt for traditional medicine and her personal option for treatments at a hospital of her choice.Even her choice of hospital was hotly debated and disagreed amongst family members. I supposed in the end it was her decision and the best that we can do is to support that decision, a concept that is not fully understood by most of the family members including my husband (Cik's brother). Maybe she is stubborn but she is the one who is sick and ultimately the one who is going to decide how to handle the situation.

Cik is brave and strong. Circumstances and her upbringing had made her so. Her poor family background forced her to work long hours helping her mum stir loads of dodol and making keropok for a living. Her never say die attitude has stood by her through her bouts of chemotherapy. I remembered after her first round of chemotherapy, she was very brave and determined to fight the side effects of the treatment. She would force herself to eat even though everything taste like 'metal' (she told me). She went through her chemotherapy quite smoothly, up until her fourth one when she started to have problems. The right side of her head suddenly became very painful and discharge came out of her right ear. She had fever and was admitted to the hospital. Doctors put her on antibiotics and gave her morphine for her constant pain in her ear and head. Not long after that she developed numbness from her hip straight down to her legs and toes. Tests revealed that her brain is swollen and the lower part of the spine is also swollen. As of the time this note is written doctors are still not able to diagnose exactly the cause of these latest developments i.e whether they are due to the cancer or some other infection.They can only do that via a lumbar puncture, a procedure which did not get the go ahead from Cik or PakCik ( Cik's husband). Then came the shocking news that she had lost her sight in her right eye. A visit to her yesterday was a heart wrenching one. It seemed that her blood pressure had sky rocketed the day before and so she was sedated to make her rest. Although she smiled and remembered who we are, Cik was definitely not her usual self. She was in and out of sleep. The doctor in charge of her told me that if her condition stabilizes, most probably they will administer chemotherapy via her spine as soon as possible. That is the option left for the doctors to combat the spread of the cancer in her brain. She told me that they do not have time on their side. Cik had deteriorated quite fast, she told me.

This is a note of hope. It is written as a reminder to me and to all of us about how fragile life is and about surrendering to Allah. Cik is a warrior none the less. Even when she lost the sight of her right eye she still sounded cheerful and still called me and asked me to pray for her. She told me that she had put everything in Allah's hands. She is hoping and praying for Allah's grace. Let us all do the same for Cik.

Kita

Kadang-kadang kita ingat kita disayangi
Kadang-kadang kita ingat kita dihargai
Kadang-kadang kita ingat kita penting
Kadang-kadang kita ingat kita tidak boleh diganti
Tiba-tiba kita tersedar
Tiba-tiba kita tersentak
Kita tidak lagi dipeduli
Kita tidak lagi disanjungi
Kita tidak lagi dirindui
Kita ditinggalkan
Kita diabaikan
Semata-mata hanya....
Kita tidak lagi setaraf

Hidup bermakna

Tiba-tiba aku rasa hidup ini tiada makna. Aku mengimbas perjalanan hidup ku. Apa yang telah aku buat? Aku bekerja. Memang aku pandai bekerja. Aku dapat anugerah kecemerlangan. Aku mempunyai ijazah tertinggi. Tetapi aku berfikir sendiri. Lalu untuk apa itu semua? Aku risau. Aku risau nanti bila aku ditanya di akhirat nanti, apa yang telah aku sumbangkan dengan ilmu yang aku dapat? Apa yang telah aku buat dengan ijazah tertinggi ku itu? Apakah ia telah dimanfaatkan oleh orang lain? Apa kah ia ilmu yang berguna? Aku menjadi cukup sedih dan tidak bersemangat. Bagi ku aku telah mensia-siakan 50 tahun hidup ku di bumi Allah ini. Aku perlu lakukan sesuatu. Aku perlu berkhidmat untuk Allah sebelum aku terlambat.